Bring three things to a first collaborative divorce consultation: the key dates (marriage, separation, how long each of you has lived in Pennsylvania), a first set of financial documents (recent tax returns, pay stubs, account and retirement statements, debts), and a short list of what matters most to you. Add any court papers already filed and any safety concerns, which you can share privately.
A first meeting is not a test, and you do not need every document to have a useful conversation. But the more you bring, the more specific the advice can be about whether collaborative practice fits and what the process would look like for your family. For an overview of the approach, see our collaborative family law page.
How to prepare, step by step
- Write down the key dates. Date of marriage, date you separated (or expect to), and how long each of you has lived in Pennsylvania. At least one spouse must have lived here for six months before a divorce is filed (23 Pa.C.S. § 3104(b)).
- Collect a first set of documents. Use the table below. Copies are fine; originals stay with you.
- List your priorities. What matters most for the children, the home, money and timing? Put them in order.
- List your worries. What are you afraid could go wrong? Your lawyer needs to know.
- Gather any court papers. If a divorce, custody, support or protection from abuse case has been filed by either of you, bring copies.
- Write your questions. A list keeps the meeting focused. Suggested questions are below.
| Category | Examples | Why it matters |
|---|---|---|
| Income | Last two or three years of tax returns; recent pay stubs; any business income records | Support under the statewide guidelines is based on the parties' net incomes |
| Bank and investment accounts | Recent statements for every account, joint or separate | Part of the property list both spouses must account for |
| Retirement | 401(k), IRA and pension statements; plan summaries if you have them | Often among the largest assets; may need a separate court order to divide |
| Real estate | Deed, mortgage statement, any recent appraisal or tax assessment | The house is often the hardest asset to decide on |
| Debts | Credit cards, car loans, student loans, personal loans | Debts are divided too |
| Insurance | Health, life and auto policies; beneficiary designations | Coverage and beneficiaries change after divorce |
| Agreements | Any prenuptial or postnuptial agreement | May exclude property or set terms |
| Children | Current school, activities, medical needs, any existing custody or support order | Shapes the parenting plan and support |
| Court papers | Any complaint, petition, order or notice already filed | Clocks may already be running |
Why these documents, specifically
Collaborative practice relies on voluntary, complete disclosure, but the information it uses mirrors what a court would require. In a court case, each spouse would file an inventory listing property owned at the date of separation and shortly before a hearing, with values and liabilities (23 Pa.C.S. § 3505(b)). Support is calculated from the parties' monthly net incomes under the statewide guidelines (Pa.R.C.P. 1910.16-1), using the income definitions in Pa.R.C.P. 1910.16-2. Gathering these records early lets your lawyer give realistic advice from the first meeting. The full list is in what full financial disclosure requires.
Property is divided using the factors in 23 Pa.C.S. § 3502, so it also helps to note things like how long you have been married, whether either of you was married before, each spouse's health and earning ability, and who will care for the children. See how property is divided in a collaborative divorce.
If you want background before the meeting, our post on how collaborative family law can help resolve family disputes is a short read.
Questions to ask at the consultation
- Is collaborative practice a good fit for my situation, and why or why not?
- What would my spouse need to do to start the process?
- What does the participation agreement say, and can I read it before deciding? (See what the participation agreement commits you to.)
- Which neutral professionals, if any, would you expect us to need?
- What are the legal minimum timelines for our divorce?
- How do you bill, and how are meetings structured?
- What should I avoid doing with money or the children while we start?
- What happens if the process does not work?
Notes on safety, privately
A collaborative lawyer will ask about safety, and the honest answer matters more than any document. Pennsylvania law keeps court-ordered mediation away from families where a party or child has been the subject of domestic violence or child abuse during the case or within 24 months before filing (23 Pa.C.S. § 3901(c)(2)). "Abuse" under the Protection From Abuse Act includes causing or attempting to cause bodily injury and placing someone in reasonable fear of imminent serious bodily injury (23 Pa.C.S. § 6102). If any of this has happened, say so privately. It will change the advice, and the right advice may be a different process. Our guide on whether collaborative divorce is right for you walks through the warning signs.
What changes the answer
- Whether you have children. Parents should also bring a sketch of the current weekly schedule, school calendars and any special needs. Our guide to building a parenting plan lists the topics a plan should cover.
- Whether a case is already filed. Bring every page you have received; dates matter.
- Business ownership. Bring business tax returns, financial statements and any ownership agreements.
- Where you live. Your county affects where papers are filed and which local programs apply. In Pittsburgh, see our Pittsburgh and Allegheny County page.
- Your separation date. It affects both property valuation and, if mutual consent is not available, the one-year separation ground. See residency and separation rules.
How to organize what you bring
You do not need to be an accountant to arrive organized. A simple system works well and makes the first meeting more productive. Use one folder, paper or digital, with a section for each category in the table above. Label each document with what it is and the date it covers. If you are missing something, add a sheet that says what is missing and where you think it is; that is useful information too.
It also helps to write a one-page summary in your own words: the people in the household and their ages, the major assets and debts you know about, your monthly take-home pay and your spouse's if you know it, and the two or three outcomes you care about most. Lawyers read hundreds of documents; a short summary from you tells them what the documents mean for your family.
Finally, keep your folder somewhere private. If you share a computer, phone plan or email account with your spouse, think about where you store notes about your divorce, and ask your lawyer how to communicate safely.
After the consultation
Most people leave a first meeting with a clearer picture and a few tasks. Before you decide anything, take a day to reread your notes and the participation agreement if you were given a copy. If collaborative practice seems right, the next step is a conversation with your spouse about the process, ideally suggesting that he or she meet a collaborative lawyer too. Some people share a neutral explanation, such as how a collaborative divorce works, step by step, rather than trying to explain it themselves. If you decide it is not the right fit, the documents you gathered are just as useful for mediation or a court case, so none of the preparation is wasted.
A worked example
For example, picture a hypothetical client, Jenna, who arrives with a single folder: two years of joint tax returns, three recent pay stubs, statements for a joint checking account and her 401(k), the mortgage statement and a printout of her husband's pension estimate. She has a page of priorities: keep the children in their school, keep the house for at least two years, and avoid court. She notes they separated in March and have lived in Pennsylvania for twelve years. In one hour, her lawyer can explain how the mortgage, the pension and the children's schedule would likely be handled and what the first meetings would cover. This is an illustration only.
Common mistakes
- Waiting until everything is perfect. Bring what you have; a first meeting can start with partial records.
- Bringing originals you may need. Bring copies and keep originals safe.
- Hiding the hard parts. Debts, affairs, addiction or safety concerns all affect the advice. Your conversation is confidential.
- Moving money before the meeting. Large transfers or new debts can complicate the process and damage trust.
- Forgetting the children's perspective. Note what each child needs, not just what each parent wants.
What to do this week
- Create one folder, paper or digital, for divorce documents.
- Download the last two tax returns and the latest statement for every account.
- Write your key dates and your top three priorities on one page.
- If you have children, write down the current weekly routine.
- Read how to prepare for family mediation too; much of the preparation is the same.
- Call Breonna Frisk at (412) 760-9188 or use our contact page to schedule a consultation.
Frequently asked questions
Do I need my spouse's documents too?
Bring what you have access to. The disclosure process will collect your spouse's records later.
Should my spouse come to my consultation?
No. Each spouse meets separately with his or her own lawyer. Joint meetings come later, after both have collaborative lawyers.
What if I do not know what my spouse earns?
That is common. Note what you know; disclosure fills the gaps.
Is what I say in the consultation confidential?
Yes. A consultation with a lawyer about your legal matter is confidential, even if you do not hire the lawyer.
Do I need to have decided to divorce?
No. Many people come to understand their options before deciding.
Can I bring someone with me?
Ask first. Bringing a third party into a lawyer meeting can affect confidentiality, so lawyers often prefer to meet clients alone.
